A Teen With No Skills with Lukey Walden

Wow, did you miss us? One full week without a new episode was probably really hard for you. We’re sorry. We missed you too. To regain your love and trust, we’ve got a gift in the form of this week’s guest, Lukey Walden!! Lukey is a gift because they are good and funny and sweet and we love. They’re telling Rebecca about “CHLOE” and a high school girlfriend setup formed out of pure loneliness and matchmaking friends!! It all becomes tragic because teens lack skills and are also very dramatic and way too trusting. Rebecca is basically out of crush stories so she shares some very bad 8th grade Formspring (sarahah before sarahah) discoveries and a fourth grade email chain letter survey that really encapsulates who she was and who she still is. PLUS: Remember that show Chuck and did you know the guy is Bad now?, anonymous bullying, Rebecca’s teen fan, bisexuality, Grease is actually woke, teens should treat each other like they might come out or transition in the next 10 years, feeling close to danger and NOT being able to handle it and more!!

Follow Lukey on twitter at: @coolturtleneck

Follow Rebecca on twitter at: @AlmondMilkHotel & @rebeccabulnez on instagram

Follow Classroom Crush on twitter at: @ClassroomCrush


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You Hate Me I Love You!! with Dan White

Could it possibly be? The first ENGAGED guest, like, marriage-wise?? This week Rebecca is honored to have the hilarious Dan White on the podcast!! Did he end up with the confident cool girl he knew in high school?? Uhhhhh spoiler alert, but yeah!! Incredible, the dream. Dan is telling Rebecca all about his first brushes with romance, his total obliviousness (backed up by some staggeringly formal facebook messages) and how he eventually ended up engaged to Rebecca’s newfound personal hero, KELLY. Rebecca is telling the story of SPENCER, a music boy she met at 18 when she first moved to Chicago who swept her off her feet by his unwavering disinterest. She was so obsessed she wrote a poem the night she met him and yes she DOES read it on this episode, along with some other pieces she wrote about him that year she went to college. It’s sad! This ep has truly got it all: parent stuff, negging, projecting, subtle name flirts, wanting to be special enough for the mean boy, running dates, being yourself, Kelly’s childhood “bodyguard” game, misplaced feelings still being valid, Rebecca feels weirdly optimistic? PLUS A CALL FROM KELLY HERSELF!!

Follow Dan on twitter at: @atdanwhite

Follow Rebecca on twitter at: @AlmondMilkHotel & @rebeccabulnz on instagram

Follow Classroom Crush on twitter at: @ClassroomCrush


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Proud Pee Bitch with Rima Parikh

This week, Rebecca is joined by lovely comedian and title of ep icon Rima Parikh! She’s telling Rebecca about a high school crush that has, IN MANY WAYS, followed her to this day. She doesn’t still have a crush on him (unfortch) but boy oh boy is it juicy. Rebecca is talking about the archetypal crush TYLER, who is perhaps her first notable one from like, second grade?? IN MANY WAYS he is perhaps the blueprint to her romantic soul!! In this ep R & R (Rima & Rebecca omg we love) are talkin high school Michael Cera fantasies, making your life an indie movie, unlearning internalized racism, was everyone horny for Jesse Eisenberg??, a TALENT show, Rebecca has always been extra, Rima was scared, literally making yourself white, infuriating missed opportunities, teachers at concerts, Rebecca’s self sabotaging origin story, and so much more!!

Follow Rima on twitter at: @rimaparikh12

Follow Rebecca on twitter at: @AlmondMilkHotel

Follow Classroom Crush on twitter at: @ClassroomCrush


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“The Way You Move” with Elsie How

Alt title of ep: “He Didn’t Express Himself and Wasn’t Creative” which makes us laugh a lot (you’ll hear why) but unfortunately is too long. This week Rebecca is feeling bonded for life with hilarious comedian and new friend Elsie How!! Elsie is telling the tangled high school tales of NIKKO, THOMAS, and COLLIN and boy oh boy did she come with the materials to back it all up. We’re talkin journal entries and impressively rhymed poems, baby!! Rebecca is talking about the questionable decisions that led her to a one night Boston Noise Boy crush named ESTEBAN. Yes it is horny and concerning but also brave. This ep’s got small town dynamics, feeling like you peaked in high school, jocks that are actually ummm artsy?, an update from the one and only Carlos, Short Privilege, not being able to date casually, Rebecca gets emotional about how hot guys can be, “You played me like the strings of your guitar”, when a facebook relationship status can change it all, The Last Prom, singing to your crush but this time it’s GOOD?! and so much more!!

Follow Elsie on twitter at: @activesandal

Follow Rebecca on twitter at: @AlmondMilkHotel

Follow Classroom Crush on twitter at: @ClassroomCrush


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Funny and Cute with Chef Kevin Bartelt

Damn. We really hit the jackpot on this one!! This week Rebecca is joined by your favorite Earwolf producer, “Chef” Kevin Bartelt!! Kevin is a TRUE sweetie and perfect Classroom Crush guest as he tells Rebecca about his first crush, KAITLYN, and the drama of his middle school/high school relationships! Dude was Never Not Dating and that’s honestly so impressive. Rebecca is telling the high school story of another fucking MATTHEW who of course was in a band, and the last insecurity ridden love triangle between her and best friend MICA. They’re talking being labeled “funny” but not smart, craving high intensity relationships, Kevin’s more recent crush situations (see: Tinder ep of Hollywood Handbook Pro Version), when Rebecca probably ignored Mica’s feelings, pushing a friend towards your crush to hide your feelings, and so much more! Plus, Rebecca’s story is told in a three part table read of messages pulled directly from Facebook, so there’s really nowhere for her to hide. Plus: screaming a love song at your crush, Rebecca watched a girl give Kevin her number, and do normal people make out to podcasts? Sound off in the....uh.....itunes reviews??

Follow Kevin on twitter at: @KevinJBartelt & on instagram at: kevbartelt

Follow Rebecca on twitter at: @AlmondMilkHotel & on instagram at: rebeccabulnz

Follow Classroom Crush on twitter at: @ClassroomCrush


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Nerds For School & Boys In Bands with Ian Ornstein

What a beautiful day for a podcast! This week Rebecca is joined by delightful/hilarious/ improviser/friend, Ian Ornstein!! Ian is telling the story of LINDSAY, a high school crush and fellow glasses wearer who, despite being very smart (see: glasses) made some moves that Rebecca thinks make no sense after going on the perfect date. Rebecca is, naturally, telling a horny story about a Boy In A Band who boosted her self esteem once. This episode, amongst other things, includes the reading of an old blog post about unrequited love that is centered around the metaphor of a cake and not liking coconut (it’ll makes sense), knowing you shouldn’t put your worth in the way other people see you but doing it anyways, a trip the UCB THEATER, being blind to the signs, does a crush ever stop being a crush?, Ian always falls for girls who love Amanda Palmer, when Rebecca would get glimpses of the other side of high school, and isn’t it wild that statistically someone has definitely been obsessed with you at some point?? WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?! SHOW YOURSELVES

Follow Rebecca on twitter at: @AlmondMilkHotel

Follow Classroom Crush on twitter at: @ClassroomCrush


Rebecca Bulnes
The Great Wall of Mike with Mike Jest

Wow!! This week Rebecca attempts to self sabotage but actually does a really good episode of her podcast instead? She’s joined by funny and tall improviser/former crush, Mike Jest, who is telling her about his first crush, JULIE. Rebecca reads some clueless facebook interactions from her high school crush JULIAN! They’re getting extremely real and open about the nightmare of a pool party, body shame, catholic guilt, when they’d smooch, when Rebecca peacocked by making a facebook page for a band, Mike’s best case scenario fantasies, the concept of being lovable, Rebecca confronts Mike about how he’s impossible to read, why we build walls and what they look like to other people, hypothetical declarations of love, subconscious power plays, being SEEN and a hell of a lot more!! Rebecca would apologize for working out her personal issues here if it didn’t actually make for a good podcast bye bitch!

Follow Mike on twitter at: @MikeJest

Follow Rebecca on twitter at: @AlmondMilkHotel

Follow Classroom Crush on twitter at: @ClassroomCrush


Rebecca Bulnes
THE MOM EPISODE with Carmen (MY MOM)

This week Rebecca has the best guest of them all. Yes, it's her hilarious and perfect creator, mother Carmen. It is a very special and fun piece of podcasting for Rebecca!! Carmen(weird to not just say “mom”) is telling her daughter about 6th grade crush FRANK and a bit about meeting Rebecca’s DAD in HIGH SCHOOL. Insane. There’s a lot of great shit, including: running through the streets like stray dogs, makeout parties, when Carmen was lowkey disgusting, an evil Yvette, a Sharks vs Jets (or “the Wakandan crew” vs “...the other crew or whatever”) style RUMBLE, holding boys accountable, a moment of empowerment, when mom and dad were MISFITS, begging Griffin Newman to introduce Rebecca to Ezra Miller, Carmen calling her daughter a moron, a shocking revelation, PLUS, a rare appearance by incredible 10 year old brother Noah?? If you don’t respect Rebecca’s family you’re banned from the pod. 

Follow Rebecca on twitter at: @AlmondMilkHotel
Follow Classroom Crush on twitter at: @ClassroomCrush


Rebecca Bulnes